Being an insecure person and dealing with an insecure partner can both be draining the energy. How to keep the relationship lasting?
Being in a relationship with a super insecure partner can be very tiring. Everyday you may be required to report where today, with whom, what to do. Plus, dealing with jealousy, suspicion, distrust from an unfounded partner. Your emotions can be completely consumed, and there may be a lot of fights in your marriage.
According to the American Psychology Association (APA), insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy born of insecurity; which can cause a person to doubt his abilities, instincts and relationships with others, making it difficult for you to believe in yourself and trust others.
Keep in mind, your partner who has feelings of insecurity is also tormented, you know. Insecurity can be a painful emotion for him, and difficult for him to deal with. In fact, this feeling of insecurity does not just happen in a partner. Of course there is a background that is not trivial until the couple is formed into a super insecure person.
That's why it's important for you to understand what causes your partner to be insecure, so that you can be more empathetic and can be more calm in responding to the attitude of this super insecure partner. Some of the reasons couples feel insecure include:
Have experienced an unpleasant, even painful relationship.
Low self-esteem because of being bullied, humiliated, tortured (abusive experience both in childhood and as adults).
Ignored or often treated unfairly.
Social anxiety: feeling inferior in social interactions such as parties, communities, the office environment, etc. can also foster feelings of insecurity in relationships.
Fear of rejection.
Launching Verywellmind, when your partner is insecure, they are unable to control the following thoughts or attitudes:
Often checks where you are, because you are nervous if you don't know where you are.
It's hard to believe that you'll stay faithful, and you're always worried about being cheated on.
Feel envious of those around them and despise others who are close to them.
Can't believe your words and always wants to verify what you say.
Feeling afraid at any time your relationship with him will end.
Provoking praise and validation to try to feel more secure.
Feelings of insecurity in a relationship can have a negative impact on your partner's mental health as well as your relationship. Before it's too late, try to apply the strategies to overcome them from Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University who specializes in anxiety, depression, relationship issues and couples therapy.
Validate partner's feelings
Couples need to admit their insecure feelings. To him, the feeling of insecurity was real, and he realized it was disturbing his peace of mind. Learn to validate your partner's feelings, so it's easier for him to admit his feelings too. After that, ask him to identify the things that trigger his insecurities so he can begin to learn how to deal with those triggers.
Ask your partner to open up
Maybe your partner is reluctant to open up, for fear of being called irrational, or excessive. Invite your partner to engage in more open communication about their insecurities, how those feelings arise in your relationship, then you and your partner can begin to work on them.
Don't deny the feeling
Instead of saying: "That's just how you feel," or asking a bunch of questions: "Why don't you believe it," etc. etc., etc., try to listen to your partner with an open mind, so you can understand their perspective too.
Express your feelings too
However, feelings of insecurity partner will have an impact on your mental as well. Sharing your feelings with your partner without blaming them is expected to make your partner empathize with your feelings too. However, avoid using "You-message" which can make your partner even more cornered. Choose “I-message” to establish assertive communication.
Example:
Yes: “I get stressed sometimes because…”, No: “You stress me out!”
Yes: "I'm tired of being suspected, I want you to learn to trust me...", No: "You don't really trust me, do you?"
Yes: "I'm bothered that you're bombarded with tons of questions every day," No: "You're a BLOLanget paranoid, you know that?"
Ask your partner to keep a journal
Maybe not always your partner can open up to you. Encourage your partner to keep a journal so he can write down his feelings and thoughts whenever he feels insecure. This exercise can help him identify situations that trigger feelings of insecurity. You can also keep a journal together, this can help build trust between you and your partner.
Consider going to a therapist
Marriage psychologists who specialize in dealing with anxiety, depression and couples therapy have a trained perspective to fully understand how insecurity issues with more complex dynamics. There is no need to be afraid, hesitant or embarrassed to ask for their help for the continuation of a healthier relationship with your partner.