There are various conditions that cause a person to dare to decide to commit. However, not infrequently there are also those who find it difficult to take a commitment. Although synonymous with romantic relationships, commitment can also be associated with work and even decision making.
A relationship, especially in a romantic relationship, apparently there is an explanation of why someone can have difficulty and even fear a commitment. Summarized from various sources, let's find out the explanation!
Attachment Pattern
Launching from Psych Alive, based on psychological theory there is an explanation of attachment or attachment. This pattern can be obtained from the parenting period as a child. The closeness between caregivers and parents, parenting styles, parental responses to children's emotional needs, genetics, and experiences that follow provide a separate assessment for the person in viewing a commitment.
People who have a good attachment pattern as a child will form a positive view of themselves, their partners and the relationship between them. This will run in a balanced way because they feel there is no dependence on each other.
On the other hand, the avoidant attachment pattern that occurs in childhood forms behaviors such as being indecisive, being suspicious, and seeing others as untrustworthy. The individual will find it difficult to trust his partner, feeling that getting involved in a relationship will only hurt him.
Past Experience
Of course, this is very impactful for someone in deciding to start committing. The experience of having failed in a relationship, feelings of disappointment, and hurt can change a person's perception of the meaning of commitment in a relationship. People who have ever felt let down in a relationship, will assume that commitment is not a serious thing that must be maintained.
Not only one's own experience, the experience of those around him can also create a sense of trauma and avoid commitment as a form of protection so that he does not experience the same thing.
Expectations Don't Match Reality
Launching from Choosing Therapy, when someone starts a relationship, there will be expectations from each party about the future to be achieved. But it turns out, a relationship of course does not always run smoothly.
Sometimes there are disputes that occur, there are attitudes and characters of partners that do not match and do not find the meaning of the love they are looking for, causing feelings of disappointment and reluctance to start a commitment until they find love that matches their expectations.
Solving Commitment Issues
Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. For that, it is important for you and your partner to know more about each other's character and expectations. Tell your partner about the values in a relationship, and how you and your partner view a commitment.
It is important for you to know if there are currently other priorities that he is prioritizing and he must achieve so that he has to put aside love affairs first. Don't just judge from one side, you should also need to understand the condition of your partner.
Not only communication, to avoid feelings of dependence and foster trust in a relationship, you also need to replenish your love savings for yourself. Try to love yourself first before starting to love someone else. So you don't have to bother demanding other people to love you and ask to immediately start a more serious relationship.